I talk a lot about the difference between “explanations” and “excuses.”  Example:  Your partner may be abusive toward you.  And maybe the reason they are, is because they were raised in an abusive household and lived through abusive relationships, and that’s all they know.  That would certainly EXPLAIN their behavior.  But it doesn’t excuse it.

I was stressed.  Ohhhh how I was stressed.  And I was a career martial artist.  I started training when I was 10 and cross-trained in countless active movement styles, ranging from other martial arts to dance and acrobatics, and everything in between.  So I was just used to moving all the time and used to being able to eat anything I want and suffer minimal consequences, in the short term.

I allowed the explanations to become excuses and again, the fallout wasn’t instantaneous; it took time.  It took seeing this picture, (which was taken at a wonderful family dinner,) to make me realize how far off the rails I had gone.

This photo was taken the same month that I had quit my desk job and signed the lease on my business.  Within a matter of months, I had lost a fair amount of weight, but it wasn’t because I was trying.  I stopped the grazing because instead of being glued to a desk, I was hammering and sawing and assembling a brand new facility.

By the time of my business’s Open House, my divorce was imminent and the stress had caused an odd paradox of simultaneous weight loss and weight gain.  In other words, I gained the wrong weight and lost the wrong weight.  So although I was lighter, I certainly wasn’t healthy.

And then my teaching began and I got stronger, because I was physically demonstrating so much in each class.  But my stress level was through the roof, so the great physical workouts were undermined by worse comfort eating.  And even when a lot of the stress in my personal and professional life began to subside a bit, I was simply too tired to take care of myself the way I should have.

I said the same things that everyone says:
“I’m going to make a change.”
“This time, it’ll be different.”
“I just need to get through ABC and then I can focus on XYZ.”

I was a far cry from that 207, but I wasn’t nearly where I should be.  I was fluctuating between 190 and 195 most of the time.

Recently, I made some major changes that I didn’t expect would springboard me dramatically into the direction I needed to go.  I began to stand up for myself.  I stood my ground on the things I need and deserve and, little by little, the wrong people began to exit my life.  I was left with just as much stress, but greater positivity.

My motivation to improve increased, but my stress levels were just as high.  I was starting to feel like I was never going to get my head above water; that my goals were always going to stay just out of reach.  I had the kinds of thoughts that make you worry about depression and cause you to make statements like “Why can’t I catch a break?” or “when it rains, it pours,” or “I just need ONE thing to go right this week!”

Then a friend of mine told me she had gotten involved with something she referred to as an “accountability team.”  I had no idea what that was, and I have little patience for new-age lingo. And I figured it was more self-help jargon that I didn’t need, but because I liked and respected her, I listened.

She gave me this product to try.  If you’ve been following my posts lately, you know what this is.  This was a greens-based health supplement.  I think I managed to keep the ugly look off my face when she told me, but I was definitely sneering inside my head.
“Gross.”
“I’ve taken plenty of supplements and there’s no such thing as a magic cure.”

But the conversation wasn’t just about the greens.  I knew I’d try them, if only just to be polite.  But she talked about this team she had joined.  It was a group of business professionals that spanned the experience level gamut between the completely novice team member, and literal multi-millionaires.  Everyone involved had the same goals - healthier living, financial independence, supporting their team.

I knew this wasn’t just a sales pitch but it still sounded a little too new-agey for my taste.

So I thanked my friend, took the samples and figured that would be the end of it.

But it wasn’t.

I tried the greens and I was shocked to find that I liked them.  And please understand that I’m a man who refuses to ever eat a salad unless it’s preceded by the word “fruit” or “taco.”  But amazingly, I liked this stuff.

After only 3 days of taking the greens, I felt a dramatic change.  I felt more upbeat.  I felt lighter on my feet.  I felt clear-headed in my thinking.  And I didn’t have the same desire to chase those comfort foods or excuses.

So I signed up on the cheapest level required for this group, thinking I could benefit pretty quickly from the retail sales compensation, just because of the field in which I work.  And I continued to take the samples.  And I continued to feel better.  I had more energy to put into my workouts, so I joined a HIIT class program at a new gym.  I felt like I was going to die in every class, but I recovered quickly and was still able to go rock climbing and teach parkour.  And my mood improved.

I started talking more to the other members of this “accountability team,” specifically the people who had the most wealth, who could fly across the country for a conference with no notice, who had the houses and the cars and the vacations that I wanted.  Not only were they on my direct team, but they were all incredibly down-to-earth, eager to help me, and went out of their way to reach out and supported me….like an equal.

These were people who genuinely care about helping to raise up the entire team.  It wasn’t  about padding the wallets of the people on top.  The support on all fronts was unbelievable.  It was an easy decision to upgrade my account so I could get more involved and see the profits start to come in much faster.  And they did.

I never thought I would get involved with a group like this but when you keep your mind open and you take care of your health on all three fronts - physical, mental, spiritual - you can see more possibilities than fears.

I simply KNEW the weight would now come off.  I KNEW I would fix my financial situation.
I KNEW I’d be looking at myself in the mirror and be proud of who I had become.
And I KNEW that I would finally be able to give my kids the life they deserve.

So here’s me today.  I rarely show a selfie of myself that isn’t purposed for showing off my kids or my dogs or my students.  But I am officially in the best shape of my life now.  Today, I weighed in at 179.5 pounds.  I haven’t been sub-185 in over 10 years and I haven’t been sub-180 since my 20s.  But that’s what I weigh today, and with way more muscle than ever before.

​Here's me today:​

I’m going to lose friends over this business.  I know that.  People are going to be annoyed that I’m talking about this all the time and I can’t stop sharing it.  But that’s okay.  This business and these people have steered me out of darker waters and I am headed toward goals I’ve had for my whole life that have thus far been so out of reach.  And that’s what I want for the people in my life who need and deserve the same.

I hope to have so many conversations about this with the people in my life who are ready to finally get what they want.  I want to be the person who shows them that this is possible, just like my team has shown me.

I can’t wait to build this new business with you, not just because of the money and the health, but because I have simply never felt better.

Spin over to our Nutrition & Gear page to see some more information, or reach out to me directly so I can chat with you about where you want your life to be headed.

Talk soon, friends...

​Some time ago, I read an article with a very simple theme:  Women say “I’m sorry” too much.  

The gist of the article, written with the purpose of sororal empowerment, was that women have been conditioned to accept blame to such an extent, that they reflexively apologize for situations that don’t call for an apology.

I remember reading this and thinking it was very insightful, albeit sad, if true.  But being raised in a family that considered courtesy and etiquette of utmost importance, I didn’t put much further thought to it.  I mean, I would often casually say “I’m sorry,” particularly with strangers, if only to be polite.

But a very simple incident today brought this article back to mind.  I was walking through the office, turning from one hall to another, when I nearly bumped into a female coworker who was coming the other way.

I said:  “Oops, excuse me.”

She said:  “Oh, I’m sorry.”

We both smiled and continued on our way.  There was nothing more to it.  No coffee spilled, no grievous injuries.  But for whatever reason, the subtle difference between our words stirred something.

“Excuse me” is one of those polite statements that mean, “it could happen to anyone.”
“I’m sorry” is an apology; one that carries with it the acceptance of fault.

Did we mean it that way?  Did either of us honestly feel that one of us was to blame for a minor near-collision?  I doubt it.  In fact, I would be shocked if the moment was still on her mind by the time she got back to her desk.  But it got me wondering about that article, and how much truth there might be to the writer's theory.

Has our history of oppression toward our sisters and daughters ingrained within them an automatic admittance of responsibility that goes beyond their appropriate share?  If that’s the case, we ALL have work to do.

The women of parkour are not sorry.  They are up to the challenge.

Throughout the years I spent teaching martial arts, I had the great fortune to learn so much about the human condition, as many who sought out my teaching, did so for reasons beyond the physical.  Men and women alike, students came in search of self-confidence, pride, and the strength to stand up for themselves and for others.  I heard so many heart-wrenching stories about physical and psychological abuse - both men and women whose scars ran so deep that it seemed an almost insurmountable task to learn to be strong and to trust, to control their emotions and to believe in themselves.
​
One of the things that I believe makes parkour so great, and speaks to so many women, is that training does not carry with it the aggression or competitive nature that comes with martial arts.  There isn’t the handicap of not being tall enough, or fast enough, or strong enough, or manly enough.  Every one of us faces unique challenges, both from the outside world and from the way we view ourselves.  There is nothing gender-specific about that.

Parkour is not a man’s sport.  It is the study and furthering of one’s natural abilities in the face of constant environmental opposition.  And not all obstacles come in the form of walls and railings.  They can be the people who doubt and discourage us.  Or worse, our own belief that we can’t be something, or shouldn’t be, or don’t deserve to be.
​

The women of parkour are not sorry.  They know the strength they have inside.

I get asked all the time, “do you have a lot of women in your group?” and the answer is an emphatic “absolutely!”  In fact, just as often as not, the women who come to train outnumber the men.  The only thing that skews in the favor of male students, is their approach to getting started.
 
One of the things I’ve come to notice during public training sessions is that when a group of spectators pass by, it is more often the men who stop and ask if they can join in.  The women are usually more reticent, watching but not imposing, seemingly hesitant to make the same request.
 
I used to just chalk it up to the nature of the sport, that for whatever reason, parkour just spoke to men in a stronger way.  But now I wonder…

Has the “I’m sorry” culture that women have been forced to learn, conditioned them to take a step back and wait for an introduction, while the men were taught to be louder and more willing to insert themselves into a group of strangers, without an invitation? Could it be because they wouldn’t be subjected to the same kind of rejection or criticism that their female counterparts would?

I don’t know…but here’s what I do know.  Learning something new takes courage, and courage comes in many forms.

The women of parkour aren't sorry.  They appreciate the gravity of every ounce of progress.

While the courage of men tends to manifest in a willingness to get started, this usually requires open-mindedness, confidence, and the belief that they can mimic the rest of us without too much physical risk.

But the courage of women often comes in a different form and, in my humble opinion, a much more inspiring one.

Getting started in parkour is sometimes more challenging for our women, but once they do, they progress so much more quickly than their male counterparts.  Because success in what we do isn’t a result of how high you can jump or how fast you can run or how flashy your movements are.  It comes from opening up who you are, to yourself and to others; from a willingness to be vulnerable and to discover that all of your brothers and sisters are equally "flawed."  Once you are willing to look within, you can begin to fix the parts of yourself that need fixing, and accept and love the things that don’t.

Strength and coordination can help get you up and over a wall, but those skills are nothing compared to self-confidence, pride and joy.  A man tends to be more guarded when it comes to showing this side of himself, possibly from generations of our men being taught that vulnerability is a weakness.  But our women are more willing to open up who they are, once you have earned their trust, and that’s when the most amazing progress happens.
​

​One of the biggest misconceptions about parkour is that it’s an extreme sport for daredevil athletes.  One quick Google search and 10 minutes browsing YouTube will likely confirm that assumption.

But as is the case with any advanced skill, the internet only showcases the end result, not the process.

Which video is likely to get more views, the one of the robot built by a team of college students as it interacts with a human?  Or one that records countless hours in the lab, crunching numbers and brainstorming theory after theory?

Parkour videos are no different.  If you want people to watch, you had better fill them with advanced techniques that show danger and risk and near-impossible feats.  People don’t get to see all of the learning and training that comes before.

What does a child learn during parkour training?

1.      Goal-setting
2.      Problem-solving
3.      Camaraderie
4.      Physics
5.      Geometry
6.      Self-reliance and motivation

At Fusion we teach children how to set achievable short-term goals and set them on the path for reaching their long-term goals. We teach them how to look at a problem from all angles to find their own way of solving it.  This means that any obstacle we lay in front of our students could have limitless solutions and is determined by the student in a way that is most natural for him or her.
Because of this, no child is ever the “D student” and no particular student has an advantage over another, which puts everyone on the same level and encourages individual success in a team-motivated setting.  Children are taught the math and science involved in conquering obstacles and use that knowledge to better understand their own bodies and how to move fluidly through a 3-dimensional environment.

What does a child gain from parkour training?

1.      Self-confidence
2.      Fitness
3.      Strength
4.      Coordination
5.      Balance
6.      Agility
7.      Discipline
8.      Determination

Martial arts are known for instilling children with respect and discipline.  Gymnastics rewards dedication and perseverance.  Team sports teach cooperation and unity. Parkour does all of these things in one!

Class structures are formal but fun, with the focus being on encouragement and boosting self-confidence.  As the challenges increase, much of the curriculum revolves around breaking down obstacles and techniques, and creating a methodology for achieving goals, all the while improving every aspect of a student’s health and fitness.

What are the long-term benefits for a child studying parkour?

The skills learned through parkour training translate to any other sport or physical activity.  Traceurs (parkour practitioners) learn to be in complete control of their bodies. They learn not only how to land properly, but also how to fall properly.  That way, they have developed conditioned reflexes that help to keep them safe whenever something goes wrong.
We have helped dancers, gymnasts, runners, rock climbers, gym enthusiasts, and players of virtually any team sport.  All of them have learned skills through parkour that helped to raise their overall abilities in their other endeavours.

And the benefits aren't just athletic!!

When a student learns to overcome fear and self-doubt, they begin to strive for greater things in other aspects of their lives.
To be confident in what they can do leads to being confident in who they are.  Getting into college, interviewing for a job, safety behind the wheel of a car, avoiding and protecting themselves from dangerous situations...  there is no limit to how many benefits there are for a child learning parkour!

What does all this mean?

Parkour is FUN.  It’s engaging.  It rewards individual success in a team environment and rather than punishing failure, it teaches students how to overcome and succeed.
​It teaches safety that stays with a student outside of the classroom.  It allows the student who might be overlooked by a coach or who might be last picked at kickball to discover that they are far stronger and skilled than they ever dreamed possible.

This is what we do.

We help our students find something within that is strong, talented, amazing and beautiful.  As soon as we stop trying to cram a child into a specific mold, we realize that not a single student needs to fail.  Ever.  With the right teachers, and the right map, every student can reach the mountain top.

September 1st, 1991

Twenty-five years ago, today, I took my first karate class.

It’s incredible to look back and imagine a boy who just wanted to learn how to do cool moves, and who wanted to stop being bullied.  A boy who had no idea how that day would be a pebble in a pond, the ripples from which he would still be feeling two-and-a-half decades later.

The list of experiences is long and filled with so much joy and pain.  I met so many amazing individuals and, unfortunately, plenty of despicable ones.  I fell in love with teaching and nearly all of my “greatest hits” involve the achievements of others, rather than my own; memories in which one of my students had a breakthrough.

But beyond the techniques I learned, the experiences I had, the obstacles I overcame, some of the most important aspects of my training were the life lessons I stumbled into and the resulting philosophy I developed.  Here are just a few of the things I learned along the way:

1. Just because a person has knowledge, doesn’t mean they have wisdom.
   
   
2. Talent is much more common than I expected, but wasted talent is almost just as common.
   
   
3. People can tell you everything about themselves without ever opening their mouths.
   
   
4. True friends will come to your aid when you’re in trouble.  But even truer friends will call you out of the blue, just to see how you are.
   
   
5. Many people will give you good advice that they, themselves are unwilling or incapable of following.
   
   
6. It can be very difficult to forgive someone who has done you wrong.  It’s even harder to forgive yourself for doing wrong to others.
   
   
7. Language is equally one of our most powerful salves and most dangerous weapons.
   
   
8. Some of the greatest lessons you can learn may come from the unlikeliest of teachers, if only you are able to keep your mind open.
   
   
9. One of the rarest traits is the willingness to change, and is also the one most likely to be met with criticism by those closest to you.
   
   
10. No one else can tell you who you are.  Or who you should be.  And the only way you’ll discover this for yourself is to explore, both within and without.

​Twenty-five years' worth of first days.  And I'm grateful for every single one of them...

​So, just the other day, I conquered an obstacle that had been giving me a lot of trouble.
It doesn’t really matter what the obstacle was; what matters is the reason I was struggling.
 
The challenge staring me in the face was something I knew was within my skillset.  I had the technique, the coordination, and all the other components needed to be physically capable of achieving my goal.
 
But I couldn’t get myself to do it.
 
I was simply too afraid.
 
Even though the movement wasn’t overly difficult and even though the terrain was far from treacherous, I was too afraid to commit.
 
You are typically safe when you commit 100% and you are always safe when you commit 0% (as boring as that may be.)  But when you hold back even the slightest, that’s when things go wrong in the worst way.

Consider a person who wants to do a backflip, (which is technically not a parkour move but it illustrates my point most effectively.)  If that person were to put forth 100% effort, they would jump, rotate, and land on their feet.  ​If they put forth 0%, they would go nowhere.

But between 0 and 100 is where things get dicey.  If they try to flip at 25%, they would land on their butt.  A flip at 75% would land them on their hands and knees.
 
But if they did a 50% flip, can you guess what would happen?  Yup, they’re landing on their head.  Not good.
 
So, if you do nothing, you’re safe, but you never go anywhere.  If you give it your all, you’re safe, and achieve great things.  But when you hold back, you run the greatest risk of failure.  Of course, this is easier said than done.
 
Often, people look at traceurs, (those of us who practice parkour,) and are amazed by what we can do.  They think that they could never do the things we do and we are often labeled as “fearless.”
 
Fearless.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  Nobody is truly fearless.  We each have our own limits and stressors, any of which can change day-to-day. We are all united by fear, and not just in terms of parkour training.  We all have a comfort zone, no matter how big or small, and it’s frightening to go outside of it.  That could mean looking for a new job, or asking your boss for a raise, walking away from a bad relationship or working up the courage to ask someone out for coffee.
 
When facing an obstacle in parkour, it doesn’t matter how experienced you are.  A newer student might be able to stick a 3 foot landing, but 4 is terrifying.  A more experienced student might have no problem with a 5 foot landing, but they can’t commit to a 6.  And so on.
The point is, we needn’t measure ourselves according to what the person next to us can do.  How could that ever be encouraging, especially as a new student?

Instead, we must remember that regardless of the measurement or the style or the complexity of a technique, we are all experiencing the same gamut of emotions, with fear on one end and confidence on the other.  The same hesitancy, the same doubt, the same internal battle with our perceived limits - it’s something we all share.

When you remember that, you start to become a part of the parkour family.  Any veteran traceur knows what is going on inside your head, not because they went through that in the beginning, but because they are still going through it.  In life, we are united by our fear and in parkour, we are devoted to helping one another find the courage we all have within us.
 
Courage isn’t the absence of fear.  It’s a decision one makes to push through it.  But more than that, it’s a desire to find out who you are, and who you can become.
It’s not about scaling a wall or vaulting a railing.  It’s about finding the strength to reach higher, the determination to dust yourself off after every fall, and the willingness to surrender yourself to this ideal…
 
...the person you were yesterday has nothing to do with the person you can be tomorrow.

Rather than share a success story about training, today, I need to acknowledge one of our own for something truly inspiring.

Kyle and I met up for an impromptu training session today at a playground.  Pretty standard stuff – push each other to our limits and beyond, find creative ways to tackle new obstacles, critique and debate, head home incredibly exhausted, etc.

But while we were there, a handful of young men showed up to play around on the equipment.  They were chaperoned by three other gentleman and it became quickly apparent that this was a group of boys with special needs.  They played hard and challenged each other to do some pretty impressive things and their monitors encouraged them and guided them through a number of fitness exercises and challenges.

Once or twice, Kyle and I stopped to watch and were impressed to see what these young men were capable of doing, especially given some of their physical and developmental restrictions.

So I turned to Kyle and said, “see, this is what I love about parkour.  It’s for everybody.  These could be future students of ours once the school opens.”

But apparently, this wasn’t soon enough for Kyle.

Without a word, he left my side and walked straight over to the group.  And without introduction, he immediately began critiquing one of the boys and challenged him to take his game to a new level.  The group circled around Kyle to watch and cheer on their friend.  By the time they left, they were all smiling and the boy was shaking his head in disbelief over the thing he just discovered he was able to do under Kyle’s guidance.

There was no condescension.  There was no watering down of the lesson based on some assumption that this young man wouldn’t be able to understand.  He was just another student, equal to so many who have come before, who Kyle needed to help without being asked and without expectation.  In fact, I am sure that this article will come as a surprise to him because the gravity of his actions will have slipped his notice.  But I certainly noticed.

There are a number of people throughout my family who have made careers out of helping people with disabilities and I’ve witnessed those people endure so many hardships, not the least of which includes unpredictable interaction with strangers that usually involves of a lot of apologizing and uncomfortable avoidance.

In short, there simply isn’t enough kindness in the world like what I saw from Kyle today.
I love to train with this man and I love to teach with him.  But I couldn’t be prouder of what I witnessed today and it makes me that much more excited for the future of our school.

PLEASE SHARE THIS ARTICLE.  This is what being a teacher is truly all about.
​

When you focus on a short term solution like weight loss, you may achieve short term success.  The pounds might come off, the belt may tighten, but the focus is misguided.

It’s easy to put back on weight you took off and it’s even easier to get complacent after you achieved goals that were reached in this way.  If you’re the type of person who has always struggled, who has gained weight, lost it, and gained it again, the issue is unlikely due to diet or exercise.

It’s harder to keep going back to square one.  The ebb and flow of dieting and binging, of ambition and otiosity, means that you’re always working harder to get to where you want to be and you almost never stay there.  When you focus on your state of mind, your self-image, the progression is long-term but the success is too.  And more to the point, it takes so much of the pressure off and puts self-confidence and pride in its place.

The Beauty of the Individual

Judgement is everywhere.  I’ve heard countless times throughout my life about how cruel kids can be.  They tease whoever is different, ostracize the social pariahs, experiment with ways they can make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings by projecting their inadequacies onto others.  Yup, kids are cruel.  But you know what? Adults are worse.  Much worse.

The public voice hits us from every direction with opinions about how we should look. The standard by which this forces us to measure ourselves nearly always does us a disservice.  And those cruel little kids have now grown into crueler adults who hiss about us over the water cooler and who have found new, inventive ways of cutting others down.

​It’s this fat-shaming that makes people retreat into their shells.  It’s this attitude that has spawned terms like “dad bods” and “plus-size models.”
Yes, the longer we’re on this rock, the harder it can be to love ourselves in the face of what the rest of the world thinks.​

The first lesson I teach my students is often the last lesson learned - it doesn’t matter what other people think of you.  Conceptually, that’s easy to understand, but it’s a hard thing to make a reality.  Most of the time we want to look better because of the way others look at us.  We want to be in better shape to keep up with those around us.  We want to triumph in our endeavors because of the way we are treated when we do.  But when you approach anything in your life with this mindset, you are deciding to base your successes on the approval of others and opening yourself up to the ubiquitous negativity that is sadly inherent in our species.